Awakening
Where My Path Began
November 2021
How it started
I remember the day I said to myself "there is something wrong". I drove down the shore road on my way home from work early December 2018. I had been suffering for weeks as my right eye became more and more blurry. At first I thought my sight was just getting worse because I spent most of my time in front of a computer both at work and home. I wore my reading glasses more and kept moving forward, as I always had in the past. This time, I just knew something was not right.
I remember telling myself that it was nothing and to just keep going. My youngest son was heavy into basketball that year on a traveling team and I was moving towards the busy holiday season. Gifts to buy and wrap, holiday party at work to plan and my own home to decorate for Christmas. To much to do for a silly thing like this to get in the way. So I just kept moving forward as if nothing was wrong. I don't think I even told anyone about my symptoms until New Years day.
This year, I had decided to have a New Years party at my house. I planned all the food and decorated the house and spent time on everyone but myself. It's my job to make sure everyone has the perfect holiday, right? As always, I did a wonderful job keeping my promise of making things perfect and everyone was happy! Except me...I was quietly suffering. I just smiled and made it through until I couldn't do it anymore. New Years day 2019 I knew it had gone to far. I couldn't see anything other than shadows out of my right eye at this point. I was scared and headed off to try to find someone who could help. After seeing my eye doctor and him saying it was just an eye infection and sent me home with some steroids for my eye, I thought it was going to be OK! Unfortunately, things went from bad to worse in a few days.
By Tuesday of New Years week, I had conjunctivitis in both eyes and I the loss of vision in my right eye continued. I made an appointment at my local doctors office to try to see if they could help. If it wasn't my eyes, then what was it? I was frustrated and scared more than ever. Thank God for the wonderful person I was able to see. She understood how scared I was and that I took my health very seriously and how dedicated I was to holistic healing. She listened to my story, wrote everything down and sincerely cared for what I was going through. I will never forget what she said to me next. She looked right at me and asked if I had a family member with me. She asked my Mom to come into the room so she could be there with me when she told me what she thought I should do next. With all the love and kindness she could have possibly shown, she told me what she would tell her daughter to do next. She said to me "if you were my daughter I would take her right this second to Boston's Mass Eye and Ear's emergency room". I looked at her, then my Mom, and I could see the fear in my mother's face. I mustered up everything I could to simply say "then that's what will happen, right now". You see, my Mom is my rock and she has been there to help me with my kids. My Mom knew she was going to need to get them from school for me so she couldn't get me to Mass Eye and Ear in Boston. She called a friend and they were more than happy to drive me right to Boston. The whole time I had no idea what to expect. Thank God for the help from Mr. Tamash. An amazing man that seem to know just what to say. He kept me smiling and made the whole ride as pleasant as possible.
We arrived at Mass Eye and Ear mid day. Mr. Tamash dropped me off and my partner at the time met me at the hospital. We sat for what felt like eternity. I couldn't really see at this point because of the double eye infection and the lights bothered me so much I had to wear sunglasses. But after a few hours of waiting, they finally took me in to see a specialist that was on call in the emergency room. I told my story and they brought back a lot more specialists to look and they finally decided that they would bring me up to the Nero Ophthalmologist office that was just about to close. It was very late and they were not suppose to let anyone into the office with a contagious eye infection but they made an exception because of the severity of the situation. They did a million tests and decided that they first needed to clear up the infection then they would need to bring me back to look deeper at the situation. We scheduled an MRI and a battery of test for me for the following week. Until then, I just needed to rest.
I arrived back at Boston Mass Eye and Ear (MEE) the following week. During the initial visit I met with one of the world renowned Nero Ophthalmologists. He and I spoke for a very long time about everything under the sun. Before we were done he knew everything about me, my family, my job etc. I spent the day having an MRI and a round of blood tests and they took pictures of my eye and my optic nerve. They came down to a figuring out the reason for my loss of vision. My optic nerve was inflamed causing a restriction in blood flow. This could happen for a million reasons, none of which was why it was happening to me. I sat with the doctors that were treating me and they informed me that I had no diseases that they could find. Since I was not in pain (they thought that was particularly odd) they honestly didn't know why this was happening. They couldn't give me any medicine and honestly, I didn't want any. I asked them to please not throw a drug at me if they didn't know that it was going to fix the problem. So, they didn't! They asked me to please rest and they would see me in two months.
I went home, after leaving MEE, and decided that it was all in my hands at this point. I had all the answers I needed! I had swelling in my body and it was my job to work on getting rid of the swelling. Since I am an avid reader, especially when it comes to holistic healing, I already knew that I had to change my diet. That was easy for me so I simply started by adding turmeric to my food and I also added a daily supplement of turmeric. I also listened to my body very closely and used my intuition about what it was hungry for. What I heard, when I sat quietly, was the word "stress". It took all my power to quiet my mind, let go of the fear and just breathe. In the silence I heard "please help me, I am stressed". The very next thing was the word "meditation". We'll get to the meditation a little bit later. I want to get to the next most important thing I started doing. I began working with what I like to call my my holistic healing team.
I tend to attract those that use holistic healing and practice holistic medicine. I have been going to an NAET practitioner (Transition to Health, Cape Cod MA) for many years and she began to work on what my body was telling her was part of the issue. I also went to see my good friend who is a Reflexologist. It was this, the reflexology appointment, that opened up a door that changed my entire life. It started the snowball of what I like to call "my awakening".
When the Door Opened
For my birthday in January 2019 my Mom gave me one of the best gifts ever. She gifted me a certificate to go have a reflexology appointment. I had an idea of what I was going to do in this appointment but didn't fully understand until I experienced it first hand. I remember this beautiful room that was designed to put you in the right frame of mind. I was lucky that I already had a connection with the healer. She made me feel safe and cared for. She introduced me to the crystal selenite and how wonderful a tool in healing it truly is. She had me lay on her zero gravity chair, talked me through what we were going to do then began to work on my feet. I remember closing my eyes and just breathing. She kept very quiet as I just took in the energy she provided me. As I breathed in through my nose and out my mouth I began to go into what I now know was a meditative state. I let go completely of everything, including my worldly body. I began to see colors and shapes. I remember one element that I will never forget. It was as if a bright light was opening up in front of me. It got bigger and bigger. It reminded me of being in the dark ocean swimming under water and looking up to see the bright light of the sun shinning down through the water. I remember being so relaxed and safe as I enjoyed the visions that were presented to me.
Once the healer was done, I opened my eyes and felt like I had been on a special trip. I explained what had happened and my friend in turn explained what she had experienced as well. She is what they call "sensitive". She is very spiritual and often works with angels. During our session she said that we both were surrounded by female spirits. To be exact we had Mother Mary with us standing at my head. She said she never had her come to be part of a session before and it was indeed very special. She felt that the angels were with me and that I needed to know they were here to help. I left the appointment feeling amazing. I felt like all was going to be OK. I believed that I was on the right path not only for my health but for my own spiritual awakening. The door had been open and it was up to me to just simply walk through it.
Meditation
So as I began down my new healing path I felt that I should look into meditation. I can't fully explain what led me to meditation other than I felt it was something I should start doing. While I was looking into how to get started, I saw a great discussion on morning TV about a new app that could get me started. I began looking through the classes on Ten Percent Happier and found a lot of great advise and information about how best to approach meditation in my daily life. What I like best about this tool is the emphasis on how very little you need to meditate to see the healing benefits. If you're looking for something a bit more structured than YouTube videos, please check this app out.
The main thing I discovered with the small amount of time I spent each day meditating was the amount of positive benefits I received from this ancient practice. I was able to focus more, relax more, see places to improve in my life and approach things more gently. I discovered how to listen to my mind, body and spirit more than ever before. It was the next most important thing that I did for myself on this new journey to healing.
The Next Chapter
Before I knew it, I had been working on many different areas to heal myself. I dug deep and took control of my own healing, since nobody really knew why I couldn't see out of my right eye. It was about a month and a half after my first MRI when it happened. I was sitting and watching TV when it was as if someone just turned on the lights. The vision was not perfect, but I could see! I sat just sobbing, as I blotted my eye, feeling blessed for what had just happened.
I went to my scheduled Dr. appointment at MEE about two weeks later. I explained what had happened and what I had been doing. He looked at my eye, went through all the tests again, listened to what I said and promptly said to me "no, it couldn't be anything you did". I proceeded to ask what it was then and he replied "I have no idea and we may never know". I think I might have chuckled at this point. How is it that such a highly educated man could be so blind to the fact that 1. it was stress and inflammation in my body that caused this and 2. I healed myself ? The thing that still baffles me is the second MRI showed there was no change in the images they took between the time I could see almost nothing to the time that I could see. I decided to not pay attention to that fact and keep the healing going! I can see out of my eyes and I know I am doing everything in my power to be healthy.
The Path
Our path has twists and turns along the way. We may notice that we are on a path or feel trapped and never even notice the dirt beneath our feet. What gets us to realize this journey along the twisting turning path we call life? What gets us to pick up our head and see there is so much more? For every person, the answers are different to those questions. It's up to you to open your eyes and see the amazing joy that the smallest of things can bring. It's up to you to try to listen to your mind, body and soul. It's up to you to find your purpose. It's important for you to know that you are not on this earth to just exist. Every single person has a purpose. For me, it was an illness that woke me up. I hope and pray that you don't have to have that happen to you to begin your awakening.
I wish everyone Peace, Love and Light. Be kind to yourself and take time to find your path.
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