The Finish Line
This year (2022) I faced something that I never could have imagined in a million years would happen. As a Mom of two teenage boys, I always imagined my kids living a happy, healthy life. I saw them going off to college when they were suppose to at 18 and taking four years to finish. Sure, maybe one would go to grad school... or maybe not. But then they would start their life, like I did, right after college. We plan and envision the perfect life for our kids. But then the day comes when that vision is wiped away. It happens in a split second when you least expect it. There is no planning or prepping for something like this. It's just handed to you and you are given a choice. You either decide to move forward and be strong or fall down into a pile of nothingness. Sure! there may be something in between that from time to time, but you are given a choice. You are not helpless at this point.
In February of 2022 the perfect vision of my 18 year old son graduating from high school and heading off to college in the fall was gone. That moment I knew he had cancer was the moment my life was unknown. The visions I had were all gone and I sat and knew that I had to make a choice. I never wavered or took even more than a split second to decide, but the decision was there and I knew I had to make it. I had to decide to move forward or stay stuck. Everyone deals with this moment differently. There is no right or wrong way. At least I feel I don't have a right to tell someone their way is wrong or right. I can only tell you what happened when I made the choice. I can only give you my side of this story and hope it helps, if that day comes for you.
Where the race began
After a bought with COVID-19 in December of 2021, my family began to heal and put our life back together. All of us, accept my eldest son, recovered from this nasty virus that knocked us down through the 2021 Christmas holiday. After seeing his primary care physician and having an x-ray and a CT scan, his doctor decided my son should go see a specialist in Boston, MA. As we were waiting for that appointment, he ended up in the emergency room coughing up blood in the early hours of a Tuesday morning. That horrible event put us right to the head of the line as well as an extended stay at Children's Hospital up in Boston. After five days of them performing every possible test, he received the diagnoses of Hodgkin Lymphoma.
We began treatment on the first week of March 2022 after receiving the official word that he had cancer from the team at Dana Farber Jimmy Fund Clinic, Boston MA. In those moments when the doctor is going over the options and scenarios, everything gets very quiet. The world starts going in slow motion and you try so hard to make sure you hear every single word they are saying. The team that presented everything to us was amazing. They knew exactly what we were going through and made sure all our questions were answered. Thank goodness I brought along my official scribe, AKA Mom. She wrote down every word that was said so I could look back and digest more at home.
One of the positives of this experience was my son was on an outpatient basis. What this meant was he didn't need to stay at the hospital during treatment. Something I tried to do through this entire ordeal was to try to think of positives. Even if it was something small like enjoying the food in the cafeteria, I tried to remind myself, there was positives. This did mean we needed to either go up to Boston and back for many days in a row or find a place to stay while he was doing multi day treatments. Staying positive and knowing that "all shall be well", it just all worked out! I simply asked for help and it was there at The Boston House.
The other amazing positive that came out of this was the outreach I received from friends, family and even strangers. The moment I announced that we were looking for people to join "Team Donovan", we had a swarm of letters, cards, text messages, people donating gas cards and gift cards. I had neighbors dropping food off and friends offering help with rides. I had people I never even met donating from their own coffers to our cause. There is nothing in this world that will humble you more and remind you that there is good in this world. Pay no attention to the news! There are people who have a good heart and will help their fellow world citizen when times get tough, even if they don't know them.
Through it all, I continued to find positive things that kept me going. I reminded my son every day of all the positives and how strong he was for fighting cancer and winning the battle. Sure! we had bad days. We had days that were very hard and he didn't want to do anything. But we pushed through those days and found the one ray of sunshine.
Rounding that corner to the finish line
Now that we are so close to the finish line and we can see it in sight, we can look back and know we have learned so much. We know that setting small goals along the way made this journey manageable. The first goal we set was getting my son to high school graduation. And he did it! He walked into that ceremony, sat with his friends and fellow graduating class, signed out of the "ship passenger manifest" he signed in on the first day Freshman year (founder of his charter school was a ship captain) and heard with his own ears the bell being rung as the last student in his graduating class officially signed out of the book. Small goals are key to keeping anything that can easily overwhelm you stay easily attainable.
I look back on that cold day in February, as my son and I sat in Boston Children's Hospital not knowing what tomorrow would bring. I think about who we were then and who we are now. I feel nothing but love and compassion for the old us. I am in awe what they accomplished! Instead of saying "why did this happen to us?" we said "what can we learn from this?". We held each others hand and we just kept moving forward. I am closer than ever with my son. Sure we drove each other nuts some days. On those days he just wanted me to go away and stop hovering. I found compassion and understanding as best I could. I learned that cancer patients don't want to be treated differently or have people doting on them. They just want to feel normal even for a moment. Once he turned 18, he ran the show. Doctors spoke to him and I had to listen. From the beginning I let him chose the healing path, but I was forced to let go completely once he was an adult in the eyes of his medical team. When a question was asked, I had to keep my mouth shut until he asked for my help. He did an amazing job listening to his own body and being honest about how he felt. He learned a valuable lesson. He learned that your body always tells you what it needs. He learned about self-inquiry and being honest with his healing team about his needs. He learned some of this from me but he had the unique opportunity to work with an amazing holistic healer who also taught him to look within. She brought a new light to this journey.
On Friday the 12th of August we will hear if we have crossed the finish line and won our gold mettle. We hope to hear the word "remission". I have dreamed of those words being told to us. I have a whole team of people praying that we get to hear those words very soon. Even if we are close and we have a bit more to go I can say, we have completely ROCKED this fight.
One of the things you do when your child is diagnosed with cancer is join a whole lot of groups on facebook and make friends with amazing people who have similar stories. Every single day I read about each of these individuals stories and I was humbled. Every moment sitting in the Dana Farber Jimmy Fund Clinic, I was HUMBLED. The strength they all have to keep moving forward just amazes me. When I have the chance, I try to let them all know to keep up the good work and keep their spirits high. Before they know it, they too will see the finish line.
I send you all Peace, Love and Light! Be well my friends.
I want to give a special thanks to Donovan's healing team and to all the nurses, angels on earth, who cared for my boy as if he was their own. God BLESS YOU!
Help kids like Donovan with a second chance. Please consider donating to one of these amazing foundations. Without them, we would have never been able to get through this chapter in our life the way we did!
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